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Marriage & Family

November 14th, 2024

What Happy Couples Know

We tend to expect things or behaviors from the individuals with whom we have a relationship; and generally speaking, the more significant the relationship, the more expectations we have.

Expectations are simply this: a strong belief that something will happen or a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

I (Vance) like things to be a certain way, and I’m very good at convincing myself that my way is best; because of this, I’ve often been frustrated or disappointed to come home from work or a business trip and find a messy kitchen, lights on in unoccupied rooms, cluttered walkways, or unfinished projects.

Until last year, I was unaware of how my expectations were negatively impacting my relationships. As a husband and a father, I’ve come to understand that many of my expectations are unrealistic and have made it impossible to express gratitude and love to those closest to me. My expectations can prevent me from modeling the grace and love of Jesus Christ.

In his 4-part series “What Happy Couples Know”, Andy Stanley shares his insight into the “debt/debtor” relationship created by our expectations, along with Biblical advice on how we can break the cycle.

Excerpt from What Happy Couples Know, Part 1
Now, let me illustrate it this way. If you owe me money, you can’t give me money, right? If you owe me money and you give me money, I don’t see it as a gift and I don’t receive it as a gift; I see it and receive it as a payment. So in a debt-debtor relationship, as long as somebody feels like somebody owes them, they don’t receive it as love, they can’t see it as love, and the other person can’t even extend love.
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